Crazy

There are times in our lives when we feel forgotten, forsaken, excluded, unwanted, uninvited, unloved, etc. We question our placement and assignment from God. We attempt to remain faithful, standing on what we believe God spoke to us, but wonder if we have gone completely crazy, questioning ourselves and questioning what we thought we heard. We struggle, we debate, we deny, we yell, we cry, we scream, we repeat, sometimes multiple times throughout the day. We finally determine to believe, but are so easily swayed by the winds of circumstances that we find ourselves questioning our sanity at every turn of events.

We square back our shoulders and insist that this time will be different and we will stand firm on what we know was heard, but the current circumstance only seems to mock us and taunt us, throwing in our face, just how far everything seems to be from the promise God made. We search for comfort, support, and help through prayer and scriptures, reading of those strong in their faith, waiting out the odds. We recall the great stories of the bible and inquire how to have faith like that. We recollect from our own lives and become inquisitive, searching for where that faith to move mountains went. It was there. It spoke to storms and told it to halt. Faith to move when God said move, even if the details were not completely worked out.

There was faith enough to believe God would provide what seemed like impossible financial support. Where is that faith? Where did it go? What happened to it? Did the weight of the current circumstances crush it like a delicate flower after a heavy rain? Has this situation frightened it away, causing it to cower in the dark corners of the soul? Perhaps the faith is still there, but buried so deep underneath the layers of hurt and brokenness, smothered beneath the anger and confusion like a seedling buried under a late winter snow. Perhaps it is still there, but you just can’t see it, or feel it, or barely remember it.  What was it like to really have faith? How did it feel to look at the improbable odds that were stacked against you and laugh, completely confident God was going to work in your favor? Do you remember? Can you catch a glimpse?

Dig deep, deeper, deeper. It has to be in there, it has to be, it is needed, it is required. If there is any way of making it through this situation with our sanity, then it has to be found, recovered, pulled from the depths, whatever it takes. It is like diving into the drink cooler, searching for your favorite soda. Your hand enters the chill, your nerves sends chill bumps up your arm, your fingers tingle, but you just can’t seem to find the right can, so despite the early warnings of frostbite, you dig deeper, up to your elbow now, scouring the bottom of the cooler, passing can upon can, but never settling, desperately searching, your fingers are numb, your hand is pulsing, but you keep going, determined to pursue until you can emerge victorious.

Perhaps that is what it takes. Dig deep. Dig in pass the anger, the hurt, push aside the bitterness and brokenness, shove pass the confusion, dig deeper than the doubt, and determine within yourself to reach that faith, no matter how buried it may be. No matter how cold your hands get, no matter how numb you feel, or how difficult it becomes, determine to keep digging until you arise triumphant. Until your faith can be seen again, felt again, heard again. It only takes the tiniest of a hole, the size of a grain of a mustard seed it big enough to give your faith room to grow. You just have to give it a chance.

Allow yourself to believe in the long shot, tell yourself it is okay to pursue that passion, let yourself trust what seems to be impossible. Does this make you crazy? Probably, but do it anyway. Keep pressing forward, keep believing, keep standing on that yes when everything around you screams no, keep chasing that dream, despite the roadblocks, keep believing it will happen, regardless of the naysayers. Keep believing in that crazy, impossible, improbable, totally outrageous, wacky, zany, implausible, thing, dream, passion, word, whatever it is, dig it out and let it live because it won’t seem quite so crazy and impossible when it comes to pass.

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1 Comment

  1. Tim Gore said,

    October 30, 2016 at 7:05 am

    Great words and so very timely. Thanks for sharing.


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